Twenty-one Months

My dear Amalia,

My sweet baby, no longer a baby, you are a big girl toddler, complete with big-girl independence, a strong will, tantrums, silliness and love.  Twenty-one months now, and what a twenty-one months it has been.

You have been having some potty success, which is astounding to me, although we are still a ways away from being declared potty-trained.  I know I’m not supposed to use food as bribes, but you just adore M&Ms so much that the promise of getting an M&M often convinces you to try when you might otherwise have refused.  I started using chocolate chips, and now you think any kind of chip is a chocolate chip.  Now, when you ask for a tortilla chip, you say ‘chopit chip!’ 

You love to have ‘pretties’ in your hair, mostly because your sister requires one in her hair at nighttime to keep her hair from being tangled, so you want one, too.  Your hair definitely needs something during the day.  I have a hard time knowing what to do with your hair.  It is getting long, but constantly falls in your face from way back on your head.  You also have several curls, but only right in the back, which makes a little bit of a rat’s nest if I’m not careful.  We usually put a barrette in to hold the hair off your forehead.  I’ve tried little pony tails on the top of your head, as well as piggy tails, though you aren’t very patient getting them put in and think it hurts a lot.  It is adorable, though!

We went to the zoo the other day, and you had a wonderful time.  You loved watching the animals, and spent 20 minutes chasing a tortoise around that the zookeepers had brought out for kids to touch.  You loved that tortoise, and endeared yourself to the zookeepers and even were able to say ‘tortoise’ and ‘Tobin’, the tortoise’s name.  You also fed kibble, one at a time, to a zebu, a type of domesticated African cow.  It stuck out its long, slobbery tongue to lick the kibble out of your hand each time, and you thought that was so wonderful.  The other kids wouldn’t go near it, but you had a great time.  You fed a giraffe, watched the lions, asked for ‘more otter’ and helped feed pelicans. 

You still love other people, and get so coy and happy when entertaining others or meeting new people.  You love to be the center of attention, and are so silly.

You have also gotten really clingy to mama, even though you really love other people.  You want me to be with you whenever possible, and will say ‘Mama’s turn’ when somebody else tries to help you with something.  Apparently, when you get home from daycare and are waiting for me, you sit by the door and say, ‘Mama’s coming.’  You clutch onto my shirt, grabbing ahold of the fabric and not letting go.  When we rock to sleep at night, you try to pull my shirt away from my chest so you can lay your cheek on me skin to skin. If I try to put you in your crib before you are ready you say, ‘Rock a minute’ to try to get me to hold you some more.

I love you so much, my sweet baby girl.  You are so incredibly amazing, and I am so excited to watch you grow. 

Loveyouforeverandalways,

Mama

 

20 months

Poor baby girl.  I've been at about your half-month mark for awhile.  Again, you are still 20 months old, so it still counts, right?

My dearest Amalia,
You are quite the girl.  You are such a stinker, with extra spunk and love and silliness.  When you are doing something you aren't supposed to be doing and someone asks you, you say, "No, nothing!"  You love to tickle and laugh and climb all over everyone and everything.  You are running, running, running, and trying so hard to jump.  You can't get either foot off the ground, but it is hilarious to watch you try.  You love to instigate arguments with your sister, and you absolutely love to play with her.  Tonight you were playing school and having snack time in your room together.  Sofia had put a bib on you and Stitch and you both had set up all your animals with food in front of them.  You absolutely love to play pretend and always want to do exactly what everybody else is doing in exactly the same way.  You won't accept 'broken food' and need to do everything yourSELF.  Put on shoes, take off shoes, put on clothes, take off clothes, climb into your chair, your car seat, your crib, eating all your food.  You are so independent and I just love watching you take charge of a room.  You are engaging and charming and so sweet and silly and wonderful.
We stopped nursing this month, actually right about your 20 month day, but you aren't giving up asking for it.  I feel guilty every time I say no, but we're both doing fine. We get plenty of snuggles, and you drink lots of chocolate milk now.  You also started really using the potty this month!  Still wet and dirty diapers, but when offered to use the potty, you will often say 'sure!' and have peed and pooped many times on the potty.  Especially with Ms. Carrie.  She even gave you and temporary tattoo as a potty chair success reward!  We're still working on it, but I'm so proud of you.
You really miss your daddy.  You often ask to watch the DVD with his pictures, and get so happy talking about him or seeing pictures of him.  You gravitate to men more now than you ever did, and I think you are really just missing your daddy.  You point out all the men and daddies that you find, and it breaks my heart a little bit every time knowing that you will never see your daddy again.  I just want you to know how much he loves you, angelita.  You hung the moon for him, my sweet.  He will always be in your heart.
I'm so proud of you my sweet, silly, sassy child!
Loveyoualwaysandforever,
Mama

19 months

I'm a bit behind, but she's still 19 months, and by george, I'll get this written.  There's so much to remember.

Dearest Amalia,

Nineteen months, and you are quite the little stinker, lover, sweetheart, and instigator.  You want to do everything your "SELF" and are really quite talented at figuring out how to get what you want.  You eat so well with utensils, put of lotion, brush your teeth, and attempt to put on socks and shoes (though you usually break down and ask for help with that one).   You have become quite adept at removing your socks and shoes, though, which is often less than helpful when I think you are fully footed, we try to head out the door and I look down to see your bare feet.  You are so silly and so loving and just love to be in the mix with everybody, usually entertaining them.
Before going to bed, Sofia and I always say one thing we are grateful for that day before turning off the light.  One night, after getting Sofia tucked in, you and I started to rock.  You lay your head against my chest and said, "Papa, Me, Roscoe, outside."  It was like you were telling me what you were grateful for, too.  You still adore doing chickens with Grandpa every day.  Then you said, "Daddy, me, home," closed your eyes and went to sleep.  I like to think of you remembering him and loving him, and it makes me happy that you are grateful for him, as well.  He was so grateful for you, my darling.
Your language is getting better, clearer and longer every day.  Sometimes you burst into long soliloquies where there are only a few words I can understand.  I find you reading books in your room quite often, and when you see me watching you, you say "Readin'!"
I love you so much, my dear.  Thanks for all the smiles and hugs and kisses and laughter you have brought, most especially this past month.  You mean the world to me.
Loveyoualwaysandforever,
Mama

18 months

Somehow even though life as we know it has ended, time keeps marching on.  Amalia is now 18 months old.  A full year and a half.  A milestone her daddy didn't live to see.  I'm dying on the inside, but because I've kept up these monthly things until age 2 for Sofia and we're getting close with Amalia, and I don't want to stop now.  Maybe some day I'll feel strong enough to write about what we've been through in the past week, but right now I can't.  I want to write about how incredible my baby is, instead.

Dear Amalia,
First and foremost, you need to know how much you are cherished.  Adored.  Loved.  Your daddy and I (and so many more) absolutely love you to your core.  You are our delight, are darling, our precious.  Now you are one and a half years old.  A wonder to me.
You started speaking in sentences this month.   Putting together words, communicating your needs and opinions so very well.  You can identify colors and almost every body part.  You also started coloring this month.  You so carefully pick up a crayon,  tell us its color, and scribble it all over the paper.  It is precious.  They don't even end up in your mouth!
You are continuing your quest to be a big girl, and like to eat with proper silverware on proper plates with proper cups.  When you are done, however, you take that proper plate and dump it right on the floor, whisking all the pieces of your dinner off the table.  You have very strong opinions and get quite upset when your words aren't understood by everybody.  You ask for pretzels, pickles, olives, chocolate, cookies, eggs, bagels, bread, broccoli and so much more by name.  Your new favorite food is ketchup, and you use anything as a vesicle to bring it to your mouth.  You call Jamie "Yaya's Haymee" and love to wear "Bampa's HAT." You climb on the rocking chair in your room and launch headfirst into your crib, which you call "Hareeb."  You sing to your babies as you rock them, and always think they have "Stinky butt!" and require a diaper change.  You love to play with the iPad just like the grownups and request "Seesh (fish)", but insist on pressing the button, which removes the fish, getting you frustrated and requesting them again.
You are always so joyful and just light up around other people.  You make every person in the room feel like the most special person on Earth with you hugs and kisses and coy smiles and flirty behaviors and darling "Hi"'s.  You love to do goofy things and be around people that you can make laugh. You had an entire room of grown-ups captured by your 'power', copying your every move.
We love you so very much, sweet baby.  Through all of this, you've brought smiles and joy, happiness and routine, something that at times, just doesn't seem possible.
Loveyouforeverandalways,
Mama

*I started to write this two weeks ago, but only finished the last part tonight.  Still, it is pretty close to her actual 18 month day.  Now, to find time and energy to take some 18 month pictures before she hits the big 1-9...

Mi amor

I love you.  That is all.  I hope you can feel it still, that you could always feel it.  Through the pain, through everything, I hope you could always feel my love for you.  Siempre.